I am having a meltdown. At this moment, I feel insecure about every aspect of my life and every ability I once thought I had, from being a mom, a friend, a writer. In absolutely everything I feel stupid.
I know a lot of it is satan messing with my mind. He wants me to feel off kilter. It is also my own sinful desire to be in control. Even while saying with my lips that God is in control I show my absence of belief in God’s ability to bring good from everything in my life by obsessing about what is wrong rather than praising God for the good.
I know that the reason I feel these emotions is because God has given us a choice. Because sin entered the world, we are creatures who will make wrong choices. It doesn’t mean God loves us less. It simply means we made the wrong choice. Or that God is teaching a lesson that we need to learn. Perhaps God has attempted to teach us this lesson in a less painful way. But we are stubborn willful creatures. We want our own way.
When these hurts come, we again have a choice to make. Do we dive deeper into sin by wallowing in our hurt? Or do we praise God for loving us enough to teach us?
The mistake we humans make is to think that God expects us to not feel the pain, to pretend that there is no pain, only joy. The common example is Job. If someone tells you that Job did not mourn or feel pain they have never read the story for themselves!
The Bible clearly tells us that when Job heard about the loss of every material thing he owned and the deaths of every one of his children, he mourned. Job 1:20 says "At this, Job got up and tore his robe and shaved his head. …" This is high mourning. Verse 22 says "In all this, Job did not sin by charging God with wrongdoing." In chapter 3 Job even curses the day he was born. But he never curses God. Make no mistake, Job felt the pain. And he continued to praise God throughout.
How does this affect me? It gives me permission to feel every single emotion I am having during my meltdown. I don’t have to pretend I don’t have pain. If I feel mournful I can mourn. But I have to remember to praise God for giving me every blessing He has given me. He didn’t have to give me anything at all but He has chosen to bless me abundantly.
